can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
