I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
