my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
