I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
