I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
