i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
