pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were destined to go to rehab together
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
