i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
