My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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