Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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