you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
