went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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