Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
