I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Brb crying the tears of my youth
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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