she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
