I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
