WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
