My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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