how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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