Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
