Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
