we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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