I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Someone came in the potted fern
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
