so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
