im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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