Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
