so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
