Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
