Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
