I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
