So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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