I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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