i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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