she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
