the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
