she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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