wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These tits shall not be calmed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
