Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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