yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Still dying that you shit outside
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
