i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
