Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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