Got a toothbrush?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
