Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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