Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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