I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
