Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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