True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
