His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
