And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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