You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
