So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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